How it all began....

Having visited the emergency room twice this year (and we are only in March) I began to think more (or less) permanently. As the crash cart came my way this last time with my heart racing to 189 I felt like shouting, "Wait, I'm not done talking to my son." With the room spinning I refused to "pass out". I had more words.

Somehow, once again, the doctors and nurses put me back together and I was ready to put their good work to a meaningful project, turning my son into a gracious and loving creature before that cart comes back to me. He deserves it and so does the rest of this great big beautiful world.

But where do I start now that they have set me free. How about spoiling the life out of him? Well that only works for a little while, I know this because I tested it out several times. Soon they get to a "I can't get enough" stage and then my life is trapped trying to keep up with the 'needs' of a brat. Something more lasting seems necessary.

Finally it just came to me, my favorite moments as a mother are when we have our little talks. Something triggers him when we are driving in a car, or sitting still (only for a minute) and he'll suddenly ask me the deepest questions. Sometimes I simply do not have an answer, other times we get to the center with debates of what he thinks and what I believe. Always in the end we learn something about each other. I usually get a great story to share with my family and friends, and he gets more information about his mother that might may or may not be good to know.

With any luck, I will be around for many years. I will be able to spoil my grandchildren and see mine get to old to want to know anything from me anymore, but until I get that in a written contract signed by God, I will leave this blog. I hope he finds it when he is older and sees the humor, knows it's the best I can do, and fills his heart with the love of a mother, his mother.